In HIS Time: Our Journey, Answering the Call

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct your paths. ~Proverbs 3:5-6

Learning to accept things as they are given to you in life, is by far one of the hardest lessons I had to learn. It took me 28 years to learn that, and I couldn’t be any happier or stress free than I am now. By this point in my life, I was an active church member again. I took part in a few different church groups and ministries and I felt “accepted”. To think that it wasn’t long ago that I was terrified to go out in public or constantly worried that I was being “judged” or “silently persecuted” by my peers, I am truly ashamed that I didn’t swallow my fears and doubts and learn to hold my head up sooner.

Now that the 2013 Walk Now for Autism Speaks was over, I could begin my focus on making a difference at Mark’s school. I suddenly had a fire burning inside me that was not going to be put out anytime soon. I felt the calling to spread ACCEPTANCE and I was not going to let it go. Within days after the walk, I began receiving emails left and right from some amazing organizations that wanted ME to join their boards as well as team up with them for their fundraising efforts. I had never felt so important to my community and was overwhelmingly humbled by it, but at this point, I was mentally and physically exhausted, just wanting to focus on my family.

I began volunteering at Mark’s school as often as possible, even if it was just spending an hour sorting through papers or making copies for the teachers. This allowed me to get to know the teachers as well as the other students. To the students, I was known as “Mark’s mom” and to hear them say hello to me as we passed in the hallway would put a smile on my face til the end of the day. I suddenly began developing friendships with other parents, friendships that are still in place today. I wasn’t afraid to answer questions about Autism or Mark’s diagnosis, in fact, I encouraged questions as much as possible. I encouraged questions not only to “clear the air” but mainly for educating others and with Mark being in first grade and London being in Preschool, I was definitely staying busy with field trips and class parties which made “educating others” easier than ever.

Seeing the progress that Mark was beginning to make was nothing short of amazing! His behavior was calming down and he was actually progressing in class. His teacher was consistently updating me with all the progress he was making and the new things he was actually trying. I began to feel like I had a “normal” child that was somehow overcoming Autism.

It wasn’t long before 2013 was coming to a close and 2014 had nothing but exciting times ahead.

By April 2014, school would only have a little over a month left before Summer Break. It was almost time for the last quarter PTA meeting when I was nominated for the 2014-2015 PTA Board ballet. I was honored to be placed on the ballet and was humbled by it. I already had a great idea of the work it would require from volunteering so much at the school and working closely with the existing PTA Board Members, but I was up for the job!

The day after the last PTA meeting of the year, I received a phone call from the principal. She called to inform me that after all the votes were counted, I was voted to be the next Vice President – Ways and Means (Fundraising..who knew!). I was excited and nervous but ready to take it head on!

For the first few days after Mark’s diagnosis, I sat around in shock, as if I never saw it coming. Deep down, I saw it coming a mile away but hearing those haunting words, I was not fully prepared. I was nearly overwhelmed by all the love and support my family and friends had shown me. I was receiving countless phone calls, texts, emails and Facebook messages with various quotes and words of encouragement. To each and every one of you, THANK YOU. After the initial shock wore off, I filled out the paperwork to take FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act) leave from work and took it in to my supervisor. Due to the circumstances, it was granted right away and I now had the next three months to get our lives in order while we worked on new medications for Mark. I quickly realized that taking a leave of absence from work was the best thing I could have ever done. For the first year of London’s life, I was only home in the evenings. I was so exhausted at Mark’s soccer and T-ball games that I can barely recall how well he did or if he even enjoyed it. I have pictures to reflect on and even though I am in those photos with my children, I never really looked alive. Receiving the diagnosis of Autism suddenly made me look at life differently, I began realizing that life is too short to worry about the small things. It was time to live in the moment. It wasn’t long before Christmas had come and gone and a New Year was suddenly upon us. We were all so excited about what the New Year had in store for us! Shortly after the New Year, A very dear family friend sent me a link to a website, that link led me to the 2013 Walk Now for Autism Speaks. My first thought was “I don’t walk, I have never walked for anything in my life other than from my car to the inside of a grocery store or mall”, but after reading more into it, the thought of starting a team and walking in honor of Mark, gave me a new goal. My new goal was to spread Autism Awareness so much that maybe, just maybe, no other child would have to experience a misdiagnosis again. I suddenly found more courage than I ever imagined I would have. A courage fueled by anger, after all, I was ANGRY that my son was misdiagnosed to begin with! We still had a while before the walk so I started digging deep into research on Autism and the statistics. During my research, I found myself speaking to random people about Autism and their personal knowledge of the disorder. I was becoming more and more frustrated that most people had not even heard of Autism and were assuming the children they were witnessing throwing a “tantrum” were merely “needing their behinds tore up”. This sparked something in me! I felt the need to advocate and spread as much Autism Awareness as I could. With the help of my support system, I had new ideas coming in like crazy. It wasn’t long before my FMLA was coming to an end and it was time to make a decision on whether or not I would return to work. Rodney and I sat down and talked for hours, weighing the pros and cons. Since Rodney came into the country, I was the sole provider while we waited on his green card. Once he received his green card, his first job was making just over minimum wage for a pallet company. The pallet company income was better than nothing, but we were still struggling. We were not in any financial shape for me to be a stay at home mom. However, now Rodney was working for a contractor for the Mercedes Plant. We both knew that money would be tight, but we ultimately decided that for now, it was best that I stay home. I was still receiving phone calls from the school on a regular basis requesting that I come to the school and help calm the situation at the time. I was sad about resigning from my career but excited as well. I couldn’t wait to officially become a “Soccer/PTA/Dance Mom”. By May, I was growing more and more courage and was finding myself more outgoing than ever. I was beginning to raise money for our team for the 2013 Walk Now for Autism Speaks that would be held in Birmingham, Al. on October 5th. Our team name was “Kick’n it for Mark” because of his love for Soccer. I even had our shirts designed specifically for Mark that included a soccer ball made of puzzle pieces. Rodney applied for a foreman position with MBUSA at the Mercedes Plant and by the middle of August, he was officially a MBUSA employee. We were all so proud of him but never had a doubt that he would land a career job shortly after receiving his green card. Rodney and I both just sighed with relief, our lives just kept looking up. As the walk was getting closer, my determination became more fierce. I reached out to my city’s mayor for guidance and he advised me to attend the next city council meeting. My first instinct was to panic because I was NOT a public speaker. I never had any issues with talking to strangers one on one but to a crowded room full of people? I felt like I was going to throw up and I wasn’t even there yet. I was terrified of looking like a complete moron in front of everyone at the city council meeting. I stressed about speaking in public for nearly a week, stressed so much about it that it was ALL I could think about. The day of the city council meeting, I made sure I was going to be as prepared as possible. I put together a fact sheet and what the Walk Now for Autism Speaks was for so that I could pass it out to every council member. I also put together a sheet with research, statistics and other facts for myself in hopes of not veering too far off topic. As I walked into the city council meeting, my stomach felt as if it had dropped down into my bottom area and out of fear was refusing to return to it’s normal state. While walking to my seat, I reached for my phone in order to turn it off. While turning my phone off, I saw a picture of Mark and London that I had used as my wallpaper. My nerves somehow managed to calm and my courage began to return. I am doing this for them! What felt like immediately after I sat down, the Mayor called me to the podium. It was time to stand up and give my speech. It seemed as if it took me forever just to introduce myself but once I uttered those first words, I just couldn’t shut up. My opening statement was “1 in 68….last year it was 1 in 88”. This was the CDC Statistics for how many children are diagnosed with Autism (Still a pretty scary statistic). I began to pass out my neatly typed fact and statistic sheets that I had put together for the city council members, all while not missing a beat with anything I had to say. Every word from my mouth flowed confidently, without any thought, and I felt like for once, I am doing the right thing. I explained that I did not want anything from the city, only acceptance and awareness, and that if one person left the meeting educated, then I had done my job. By the time I was finished, I sat back down in my seat and thought to myself, “What on earth did I just say?”. I am assuming my adrenaline kicked in to overdrive because I still to this day do not remember exactly word for word, what I said. I do remember all of the compliments I received from everyone attending and how humbled I was to be there. After the meeting, the Mayor introduced me to a gentleman that was with the Birmingham News. He wanted to write an article about me and what I was doing for Mark. He took my photo outside of City Hall and included our upcoming fundraisers in his notes. He wrote down all the information regarding our team and the Walk Now for Autism Speaks. It was all the reassurance I needed to know that I was on the right track! I was so excited that I couldn’t wait to get home and tell everyone!        http://blog.al.com/spotnews/2013/08/hueytown_mom_with_autistic_son.html

Mark and his precious 1st grade teacher.

We had a car wash planned for the following Saturday and we were nothing short of amazed at the turnout we had. I suddenly began receiving phone calls from various businesses that had read our article in the Birmingham News and wanted to offer their help. I even received a phone call from the 2013 WNFAS coordinator asking ME if I would be willing to go to the News Station to speak to them LIVE about the upcoming walk and about our team. It seemed like our “little team” and recent goals of awareness and acceptance were exploding right before our very eyes. I mean, I wanted to raise awareness, but I never imagined that I would’ve made it this far. I was so excited and so very humbled by the attention that we were receiving in the name of Autism. I was no longer reaching personal goals, I was exceeding them! The morning of my interview, I had to be at the news station at 7 am. Anyone that knows me, knows that I am as far from a morning person as they come but I was up at 5 am, bright eyed, bushy tailed and anxiously getting ready for my interview. I was once again as nervous as could be but I was also just as excited. I wore our team shirt in honor of “Kick’n it for Mark”. I was so excited to once again have the opportunity to share my story and what Autism Awareness can do for our children. Once the interview was over, I made my way back to my car. I immediately called Rodney to tell him all about it but he answered the phone with “We all just watched you and you did an amazing job”. He explained that everyone in the office was standing in front of the TV listening to every word. It felt so wonderful to know that I was making my husband proud! The next morning I was contacted by the WNFAS coordinator again to see if I was interested in doing another interview with a different news station. I was about to burst with excitement, it just couldn’t get any better than this! A few days later, I was back in the news room being interviewed again, by now my fear of public speaking was a thing of the past. After a few more fundraisers, sponsors, and events, it was time for the walk. I cannot remember a specific amount but we raised over $3,000. Not bad for my first time raising money for anything! We had so many people show up to walk with us and give their support for Mark, I still to this day cannot thank everyone enough. Everything that happened leading up to the walk has only driven me that much more to continue. It has shown me that you CAN keep marching, even after you fall. There is ALWAYS a way! The experience from everything leading up to the day of the walk was more humbling than I ever could have dreamed of and I couldn’t wait to keep it going..

Our team, Kick’n it for Mark, at the 2013 Walk Now for Autism Speaks

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In HIS Time: Our Journey, Shattered Dreams

I like to believe that I have risen above whatever life has thrown at me throughout my short time on earth. I can remember the passing of my father, I was only 10 years old. At that point in my life, I felt broken and alone, like I was never going to recover. My Daddy was my world and I had no idea how to exist without him. As time went on, it got easier for me, I started feeling that I had a purpose in life again. With every day that passes, I still miss him the same as the day he passed and I still have my bad days where I just want to stay in bed but the words of my Nana repeat over and over in my head when life decides to throw me a curve ball. She has always said “Life happens, there is nothing that we can do about it, our only option is to push on and push through whatever gets us down”. She’s absolutely right! There is no point in laying around sulking about every bad thing that happens in our lives and it is guaranteed that somewhere in the world, someone else has it that much worse and if we let it get us down then we are officially defeated. My Nana’s words of wisdom and the amazing support system I have within my family has helped me overcome countless obstacles in my life…..

Mark was beginning to have more good days than bad days at school since we started seeing Dr. Llinas. I was still finding it hard to sleep or relax out of fear of what might happen next. We were beginning to see outbursts at home now, I was able to record one in particular with my phone. I sat him down in a chair, facing the corner and explained to him that he would have to sit there for 5 minutes. Mark began rocking the chair back and forth while banging his head on the wall every time the chair went forward, he was screaming uncontrollably but not from the pain of hitting his head. He continued to do this for several minutes before I intervened. It broke my heart to see my child go through this, but what made it even worse was not knowing why. I was thankful to have been able to get the outburst on video because I felt like nobody believed me when I tried to explain the outbursts and aggression. We had seen Dr. Llinas several times by now, trying to get medication straight as well as narrow down all possibilities that would explain Mark’s behavior.

December 12th 2012 will be a day we will always remember as the biggest change in our lives. It started off as any usual routine day but Mark was home from school because we had an appointment with Dr. Llinas again later that morning. Mark & I dropped London off at preschool and headed out for his appointment. I gave him my Ipad to play on for the duration of the trip and to give him something to do while we waited patiently in the waiting room. After a short wait, Dr. Llinas came to the door to signal us to come on back to his office, I suddenly had the weirdest feeling in the pit of my stomach. Out of nowhere, I was feeling nervous, as if my “momstincts” knew something was about to happen. As we walked into Dr. Llinas’ office, Mark ran over to play with the toys and I sat down on the couch. Dr. Llinas started the conversation by asking how Mark was doing in school and at home. Dr. Llinas seemed a little distant this time, as if his mind were elsewhere. After a bit of small talk, I finally decided to come out and say what was on my mind. “Dr. Llinas, is it just me or is something else going on with Mark? I mean, he has been on an obscene amount of medication prescribed by two different doctors now and yet NOTHING!” I said, in a calm but fed up tone. Dr. Llinas almost smiled, like a half smile, when I finished. He said “Mrs. Aldridge, first, I want to apologize. You see, I specialize in children with special needs ranging from ADHD to Schizophrenia, it is my passion. I have a child of my own that is special needs, I honestly cannot believe that it has taken me so long to notice the signs that have been right in front of me. Mark does NOT have ADHD, Mark has AUTISM!”.

There are few words that a mother could use to describe the pain, initial shock and devastation when a doctor officially diagnoses her child with a life-long illness. Not only has she just been told that there is something wrong with her child, but that it will never be “cured” and that no one knows what causes it. I already happened to know a little about Autism from my random “Google Research” while desperately searching for my own answers but it never dawned on my that MY child would have it.

I kept my emotions buried deep in the pit of my stomach as Dr. Llinas went on to tell me that he has a son with Autism and that is what drove his passion to helping children with all types of special needs. We discussed the options of support that are available and he suggested that we sign up for a parenting group for parents with newly diagnosed children with Autism. I tried my best to let everything that he was saying sink in but all I could hear was “blah blah blah, Autism, blah blah blah”. My heart was broken into a million pieces within seconds, there was no way I could comprehend anything.

Before I knew  what was going on, I interrupted him by saying “What about my job? I need to take some time off work and figure out what is going on in our life now”. I suddenly remembered that I had forms and paperwork in my bag for the Family Medical Leave Act so I asked Dr. Llinas if this new diagnosis would be considered FMLA eligible. Dr. Llinas explained that it would since we were having so many problems recently and with a new diagnosis such as Autism, it would probably be best to take leave from work and figure out our next step in order to get Mark all the help he needs. Dr. Llinas filled out my paperwork right there as we sat in his office.

As I buckled Mark in his seat, I kissed his head and told him I loved him. I handed him the Ipad and a set of headphones. I told him to put them on and play a game while I drove us home. Mark was so care free and in his is own little world. As I sat down in the driver’s seat, I slowly put on my seat belt as I felt a hurricane of emotion take over. My face fell into my hands as tears flooded my eyes. I questioned God over and over, I begged and pleaded with him to make everything okay. I begged God to let me take Mark’s place, to give the burdens to me, not by angel, my baby, my miracle. I suddenly heard a giggle coming from the back. I looked at my rear view mirror, fearful that Mark would see me crying, but he had not seen me. He was giggling at something on the Ipad but it was exactly what I needed to hear. Throughout my emotional outburst, he was still there, still being the silly little boy I knew, no care in the world.

The drive home was a long, quiet ride. I tried to comprehend what was going on and where would we go from here but the doctor’s words kept playing over and over in my head. As we pulled up to the house, something dawned on me. Suddenly, I found myself looking up at the sky for a few seconds before I said “Okay Lord, I get it”. The word PATIENCE popped into my mind as if The Lord hit me over the head with it. All the years, I have lacked patience more than anything, and now it is The Lord’s way of saying “You are going to learn patience one way or another, Christina”. By this time, my devastation and heart break turned into a dose of humble determination. My mind was clearing and “Crisis Mode Mommy” was kicking in!

I was terrified of how my supervisors at work would take the news that I needed to take time off work or how Mark’s school was going to take the news of the diagnosis, but one thing was for certain, my children will ALWAYS come first…..

In HIS Time: Our Journey, Preparing For A Battle

It is always a bittersweet moment when your first child starts Kindergarten. We often think this is their first real step into a life of their own, the first real step of becoming their own person with their own personalities and goals. That child is no longer our “baby”, most of which do not want kisses and cuddles anymore. Lord knows Mark no longer wanted kisses and cuddles from mommy, he never did now that I look back….

Mark was starting Kindergarten. Even though I tried my best to prepare him as well as myself for this day, when the time came for me to take him to school, I was a nervous wreck. Mark was so excited to be starting a new school and even more so about making new friends but there I was, biting my nails and not wanting to leave him. I parked the car once we arrived at the school, I was taking full advantage of being able to walk him to his class on his first day. We walked through the bright red double doors, into the hallway and straight to his classroom. We were greeted by his teacher, she was all smiles as she hugged every child that walked in to her class. I just about had to beg for a hug and a kiss from Mark as I was leaving because he was too excited about meeting his new classmates. I was so excited for Mark and his new journey of being in Kindergarten and I couldn’t wait for him to get home so I could hear all about it. With all the excitement about his first day of school, I still found myself crying like a baby at the thought of my little boy growing up so fast. I returned home and anxiously waited for time to pick him up so I could hear all about his first day of school.

I remember when I was in school, we had a behavior chart but it was pretty basic. You either got a happy face for great behavior, a straight face that meant it was an okay day, but if you brought home a sad face, you can bet you were in trouble.

The time had finally come for Mark to be picked up from school. I made my way to the car line and waited for the bell to ring. As soon as Mark got in the car, every ounce of my anxiety just went away. I asked him how his day went and he responded with a very blunt “It was okay”. I wanted to hear every detail, not “It was okay”. I begged him to tell me more but he insisted it was just “okay”. Once we arrived back home, I rushed in with excitement to look in his backpack to see what all he brought home. I opened his folder and was a bit confused to see a pink dot. I asked Mark “What does this pink dot mean?” to which he replied “I don’t know”. I shrugged off Mark’s unenthusiastic responses and figured he was just tired.

Over the next few days, Mark came home with several different color dots on his chart so I decided to reach out to the teacher and find out exactly what each color means. His teacher explained that every morning, each child starts on green which means “Ready to Learn”, throughout the day the child has a chance to move up or down on the color chart. Yellow & Red means it has been a great day but Blue and Pink means that it was a rough day. That hit me pretty hard because so far, Mark had only pink and blue colors. His teacher reassured me that it was still the first two weeks of school and that all the children in her class were still trying to get into a routine. That made me feel a little better but I still warned her about Mark’s ADHD and reassured her that he is on medication for it.

After the first few weeks had passed, Mark’s impulsive behavior started to progressively get worse. What started with hyperactivity and impulse control issues seemed to turn into adrenaline and aggression. I started receiving daily phone calls from the principal regarding Mark’s behavior. His principal would explain that Mark was easily agitated and aggressive and they couldn’t seem to figure out why. I called Dr. Echols’ office to try to get some answers. When he finally called me back, his only suggestion was to increase the dose of Mark’s medication. Within a couple of days, Mark seemed to settle down and everything seemed to be okay.

After nearly a week of increasing the dose of Mark’s medicine, I began receiving phone calls from the principal again. Mark’s aggression was increasing and now he was moving up to throwing objects. I had a hard time believing that my son was throwing things, especially objects such as scissors, books, pencils, shoes, etc., Mark never did anything like this at home. I called the doctor and left him another message, when he returned my call later that evening he didn’t have much to say other than “We need to give the medicine a little more time before it can take full affect”. I tried to explain to Dr. Echols that Mark was ultimately receiving after school detention and would soon face a suspension if we did not get his behavior under control, but he reassured me that everything was okay and we would need to give the medicine more time. I felt helpless, like I had no other choice other than believing what the doctor says.

By the middle of October, Mark was on a downhill spiral. I was receiving calls on a daily basis regarding Mark’s behavior. I was suddenly finding myself having to leave work to pick him up from school due to him throwing a fit in such a way that he would be suspended. I was having parent/teacher/principal meetings more than I could have imagined in such a short time. My mind was focused on Mark and at that time, nothing else mattered. Rodney and I were becoming very frustrated with each other. I began to distance myself from family, friends or anyone that felt the need to voice their unwanted opinion. I was catching myself responding to people that were being genuinely caring, in a short tone. In my mind, everyone seemed to know everything to do with children, but nobody was willing to step up and help. One day in particular, I assume I had more than enough of everyone’s unwanted opinions and unsolicited advice when I just so happened to receive a phone call from Mark’s principal. She was concerned about Mark’s behavior and was telling me that Mark was going to be suspended, again. I remember asking in a sarcastic tone “What did he do this time?”. She explained that not only is he hitting, kicking, biting, scratching and pulling other children’s hair, but now he is throwing desks and chairs. She then went on to explain that his classroom is now having to be evacuated and Mark is having to be restrained, by 3 different teachers. The principal told me that she has had to respond to several parental complaints regarding Mark and that she couldn’t have him acting like a bully. Those were fighting words to me and unfortunately, I didn’t take time to think about what I was about to say.

Let me just add that I have always been as professional as possible in every situation since High School (High School doesn’t count, right?), but when I heard the word “Bully” come out of her mouth, I failed to hear anything before and after. Before I realized what I said, I lost my ever loving mind and unleashed a new found fury that would make Charles Manson seem tame. To be honest, I cannot even remember word for word what I said, but it didn’t end pretty. At that point, I had assumed that she was calling my child a bully and not that he was “acting” like one. I mean, Mark is 5 years old, he doesn’t even know what a bully is, and yet here she was accusing him of being a bully and having the audacity to think he can even LIFT a table above his head to throw it? Regardless of my new level of craziness, Mark was still in trouble and there was nothing I could do about it. I was at work, facing a disciplinary action if I left, so I had to send my Nana to the school to pick him up.

While Mark was having a seriously hard time with his behavior at school, he seemed to be doing pretty well at home. Okay, sure, he wasn’t the most cooperative child but then again, I do not know any 5 year old that is.

The daily calls continued, the parent-teacher conference was becoming a routine and I was beginning to question my own sanity. I spent most of the night, every night, researching what could possibly be going on. I couldn’t sleep or eat, I was too scared to even go out in public out of fear that I would run into a parent of one of the children in Mark’s class. I was lonely and becoming more depressed by the day. I was beginning to question God.

October and November were the worst two months of our lives. Mark missed his first class Halloween party because of his behavior, it was a punishment for his behavior the previous day. I couldn’t stand the thought of Mark missing his first class party so I decided to check him out of school. I was having a really hard time understanding Mark’s behavior at school and was convinced that the school was exaggerating Mark’s outbursts. In my mind, they had him labeled ADHD and because of his behavior, they wanted him gone. I didn’t believe that my child was this “bad”.

One afternoon I was in the car line to pick up Mark, the line started moving as children were getting into their parent’s car to go home for the day but as I reached the front of the line, I was asked to pull down, park and go inside to get Mark. As I walked in to the school I had no idea that what I was about to see would haunt me for the rest of my life.

I can remember walking through the doors and seeing teachers running down the hall to Mark’s class. The secretary motioned for me to follow her. As I walked through Mark’s classroom door I immediately felt as if I had just stepped into the Twilight Zone. I remember every tiny detail and the images that flash in my head from time to time still haunt me today. Tables and chairs were pushed up against the walls, a handful of teachers were standing around watching, as I pushed my way through them I noticed 3 teachers laying on the floor and under those 3 teachers was my son. Mark was being restrained by the 3 teachers and was thrashing his head around. Mark was trying to bite them, kick them, hit them and was screaming in such a way that made him look possessed. I stood there in shock as I tried to comprehend what was going on. I fell to my knees as I approached him and began to sob. I felt as if my heart had just been ripped out of my chest and I was quickly losing control of my life. The only words I could get out of my mouth were, “Mark, baby, what is going on?”. When I spoke, Mark realized I was there and he turned his head to me. The look on his face is what gives me nightmares, not just the situation itself. As Mark turned his head towards me, I was horrified. Mark’s eyes were completely glazed over, he looked as if he were playing a part in the movie “The Exorcist”. At that point, I was terrified of my own child.

As I looked around the room, I realized that the tables and chairs I originally thought were pushed up against the walls were not actually “pushed”, they were thrown. Several tables were upside down, chairs were tossed around and laying on top of things within the classroom. I noticed bite marks on a few of the teachers, one in particular was bleeding. I began to cry hysterically, finding it hard to breath when suddenly, the principal walked up and wrapped her arms around me. The only words I could manage to speak were “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I am so very sorry”. She comforted me in a way that nobody had managed to attempt up until this point. She told me that everything was going to be okay and that she was determined to help me figure out what is going on and get Mark the help he needs. Nobody had ever made me feel that comforted up until now. I apologized to her over and over again. I apologized for my own behavior as well as apologized for not believing her.

Within a few minutes, Mark snapped out of whatever was going on with him and the first thing he said was “I’m sorry mommy”. I took him home, knowing he was suspended the next day and decided it was time for a second opinion. I spent the next hour researching the best adolescent psychiatric doctor I could find. When all angles pointed to Alabama Psychiatric Services, I gave them a call. The secretary answered the phone and I began to cry again. I explained the entire situation to her and begged her for the earliest appointment but she informed me that every doctor had a full schedule and they wouldn’t be able to see us for 3 weeks. I begged her over and over again and explained to her that Mark was on the verge of being expelled, I was on the verge of losing my job and that I was completely helpless. The woman then asked me in a very quiet tone “Do you feel like this is an emergency?”, I replied, “Of course I feel like this is an emergency, I just told you everything and you don’t?”, the secretary said “I have to ask you that, now that you have said yes, I am going to place you on hold for a few minutes, okay?”.

I was on hold for nearly 15 minutes when the secretary came back and said “Dr. Llinas will be at the other location tomorrow, can you be there at 10:00 am?”. I had no idea who this Dr. Llinas was but I didn’t care at this point so I quickly said “Yes ma’am, we will be there”. I thanked her over and over for her help and felt slightly better by the time I hung up the phone.

The next morning, Mark and I were on our way across town to see Dr. Llinas. I played the possible outcome in my head the entire drive there. When we walked in the office, Mark sat next to me as I filled out all the paperwork for a new patient. Within a few minutes, the nurse called our name. She introduced herself and talked to me for a few minutes before she took us to Dr. Llinas’ office. I remember her saying “You got lucky to be able to see Dr. Llinas, he hasn’t taken a new patient in over a year, but be glad you were able to get in with him.” My curiosity took over so I asked her what was so special about him that he hasn’t taken new patients in a while. She informed me that the doctor we were about to see serves on the Board of Psychiatry and specializes in adolescent psychiatry because he has a passion for children with special needs, because he has a child that is autistic. I was immediately in awe of this man, and I had not even met him yet. My anxiety and worry suddenly calmed and I felt like we had just hit the “Psychiatry Jackpot”. For once, I felt HOPE.

We sat in Dr. Llinas’ office for a minute or so before he walked in. Dr. Llinas was a very shy man but had a sense of calmness and patience. He was very understanding and truly compassionate and reassured me that we would figure out what is going on with Mark but it would take time. He talked to Mark for quite a while, this was something our previous doctor never did. Towards the end of our session, he explained to me that he wasn’t so sure that Mark was ADHD but since it was his current diagnosis, he was going to leave it in place until he had more time to evaluate Mark. Dr. Llinas explained that Mark did seem to have some ADHD qualities but he felt like that wasn’t the only thing going on. Dr. Llinas was very frustrated about the dose of Ritalin that Mark was currently taking and informed me that it was the exact amount an adult would take so he immediately took him off the Ritalin and prescribed something that was not a stimulant as well as something that would help Mark sleep at night.

We left the appointment that day with confidence. I felt like we had finally managed to find a doctor that cares and isn’t there for just the paycheck. Later that day, Dr. Echols’ secretary called to remind me of our next appointment and to let me know I still owed $150 for the previous visit. I remember asking her why I was still having to pay so much out of pocket and her replying with “Dr. Echols isn’t an in-network doctor.” That reply from the secretary angered me. I asked her, very rudely I might add, “So we have been coming to see Dr. Echols for a while now and not only has he given my child enough Ritalin to give a horse a heart attack but you couldn’t find the nerve to tell me that I am paying 80% out of pocket to see this quack? What kind of people are you?”. I informed her that we would not be back to see him and then I hung up. (Yes, I paid the balance, but only because I didn’t want to have to speak to them ever again).

It felt like Mark was getting a second chance in life and I have the confidence that everything would be restored back to normal soon. We had the holidays to look forward to, but little did we know this Christmas would be a life changing experience…

In HIS Time: Our Journey, Greater Expectations

I can never stress enough, to anyone that has to see any doctor other than a general physician, PLEASE do your own research before you choose a doctor. If you feel that something is not right, speak up! There are many lessons that we have to learn in life but if there is one thing that I can offer others, it is offering advice from a lesson that we should have never had to learn. I applaud doctors for what they do but I have learned over the past few years that they do not always have the patients best interest in mind. You will understand completely after my posts from now on. Get ready for an emotional roller coaster….

Once Mark’s pediatrician noticed there was an actual problem arising and I wasn’t just overreacting, she referred us to an adolescent psychiatrist. The problem I had with this was she didn’t suggest a specific doctor, she gave me a list of names and told me to choose one. Because I didn’t know any better and assumed they were all just as good as the other, I went with the doctor that could get us in the fastest. We had our first appointment with Dr. Echols by the end of the week.

I tried my best to continue reassuring the school that I was doing the best I could at finding out what the problem was and was excited to update them with our appointment with a “specialist”. I felt confident that we would find out what was going on with Mark and we would finally get some answers. In fact, I began to feel so confident that I even started sleeping better. I was so excited about our upcoming appointment but so nervous at the same time.

I remember the drive to our first appointment with Dr. Echols very well. I knew the area but was sort of taken back that the office was located in the same building as a bank but I felt better knowing that the practice wasn’t the only practice in the building. As we walked off the elevator, my nerves began to take over. I was suddenly scared to death of what was about to happen, even though I had no clue what to expect. We walked through through what felt like the world’s heaviest door and entered the tiny waiting room. As Mark and I walked up to the counter, we were greeted by a very sweet, soft spoken receptionist. I signed in and gave her our insurance card then went back to our seat so I could fill out the dreadful “New Patient Forms”. Once I finished, I returned them back to the sweet receptionist. She quietly looked up at me and advised me that our insurance didn’t cover 100% and we would have to pay our deductible in payments as we came to each session. Our first initial payment would be $175. Of course the penny pincher  in me said “How much does this guy charge? He better be good for what I am paying him on top of the insurance!” but I just sighed as I handed over my debit card.

Within a few minutes after paying, Dr. Echols came to the door and called for us to come back. At that moment, something didn’t settle right with me. I immediately noticed the look on his face, he had this look of “Another patient, another dollar” while trying to muster up the energy to get through the day. Overall, he looked like he hated his job and the thought of that disgusted me but I smiled and pushed on because after all, we are here to get Mark help and I wasn’t going to let anything stop that, not even my sour attitude and my immediate judgment of someone’s lack of professional attitude.

As we walked through the door and into Dr. Echols’ office, Mark was led to the scales so Dr. Echols could record his weight. It was immediately clear to me that Dr. Echols had every intention of placing Mark on medication. By this point, I was so exhausted from dealing with Mark’s issues that I wasn’t all that opposed to the idea of medication. Rodney had already expressed his feelings to me about putting Mark on medication and that he really did not want to see him on medication, but I assured him the doctors would know what is best. Once Dr. Echols was finished with recording Mark’s weight, we went to his office to sit down. I felt a sudden calmness as we walked in. It was full of neutral colors from the walls to the carpet. The couch was a black leather couch that was a cliche from the movies but what set his office apart was the window that was in place of the outer wall, looking out of the office to the beautiful pond filled with colorful fish. It was relaxing and serene and Mark was amazed as soon as he noticed it. Mark has an obsession with fish so anytime he spots any type of body of water, he starts searching for fish. You can imagine his attention span as soon as he first laid eyes on that window, he ran over to it, sat on the floor and nothing else existed. I found myself complimenting Dr. Echols on his beautiful view and explaining that I had never seen Mark so quiet. Before I could even sit down and get comfortable, Dr. Echols was already writing on his yellow writing tablet.

Over the next twenty minutes or so, I realized that Dr. Echols was doing way more writing than he was talking. He would ask me questions about Mark’s behavior at school and would write down my answers word for word. I found it odd that Dr. Echols was not even asking Mark to join us or asking him questions. It didn’t take long before I realized this “Doctor” was considering a diagnosis from my perspective, not by an actual observation or any type of evaluation. You can probably imagine my frustration when our time was up and all the doctor had done was somehow manage to write down every word I said and write a prescription for Mark’s new diagnosis of ADHD. I was frustrated and confused but somewhat happy that finally, a doctor listened to ME and what I had to say. He stood up, handed me the prescription and said he wanted to see us back in two months. I shrugged my shoulders as Mark and I walked back out to the car, I thought to myself that maybe I was more confused that I was when we first arrived.

That evening, I contemplated whether or not I was comfortable starting Mark on medication this early in his life. I found myself tossing and turning throughout the night as I attempted to sleep. The only questions that continued to run through my head were “Do I really want to start my child on an addictive medication? What if this doesn’t help? What if he has been given the wrong medication?”. I continued to weigh the pros and cons all throughout the night, in fact, I believe I only slept a few minutes all night.

The next morning, I stared at this medication for what seemed like hours. I finally snapped out of it and gave Mark his first dose. This would be his first day on Ritalin and I am still not proud to say that. In the back of my mind, I would tell myself all day “If this gets him on the right track then so be it”. Mark was no longer in preschool and between Rodney and my Nana, we would be able to keep a close eye on him and see how he progressed. It wouldn’t be very long before Mark would be starting Kindergarten so we all agreed that seeing Dr. Echols every 2 months would get him the help he needs in order to be successful in school.

Within the first week, we noticed minor improvements. Dr. Echols did specifically advise me that it would take a little while before we would begin noticing major improvements and at that time, it was all the reassurance that I needed. I had such high hopes for Mark. I couldn’t wait for Baseball games, Football games, Soccer games, Birthday parties, sleepovers, everything a normal boy does with his friends! I was even looking forward to having to keep London out of the boy’s hair while they played video games in Mark’s room. For the first time since the preschool issues, I felt like this was all possible and I was more excited than ever!

I suddenly couldn’t wait for Kindergarten and I was anxiously preparing for it. I had such high hopes for my little man and I couldn’t wait for him to start making friends….

In HIS Time: Our Journey, A Harsh Reality

I often find myself in a conversation that is considered “taboo” among most parents in today’s society. The discussion of discipline. I was raised in the south and it was nothing for me to get my butt whooped. I can tell you to this day that the few spankings I did receive, I deserved them. I believe in discipline and that the severity of the punishment depends on the “crime”. I do not spank my kids on a daily basis, in fact, I can’t remember the last time I had to. The occasional “pop” or “swat” is another thing. People in today’s society are quick to pass judgment. One can immediately assume that a child needs a spanking because they are acting up while in a store but yet if that same person witnessed the parent spank that child, they would immediately call out “Child Abuse”. Let’s just say over the past few years, I have learned to bite my tongue (very painfully at times) and keep moving. With that in the back of your mind now, let’s get back to the story…

It wasn’t long after Mark had started preschool that we began to notice some behavioral issues. He was very hyper and could not sit still for long at all. He had impulse issues and would often forget about other children having personal boundaries. My family and I assumed he was possibly ADHD but we did not want to think about medication for a while. It wasn’t long before I started receiving phone calls about Mark’s behavior while at preschool. The director of the school would tell me that he would be playing with a child and all of a sudden Mark would take playing to another level and end up hitting the child. My first thought was “Could he be getting it from watching TV?” Mark was a major SpongeBob Squarepants fan and let’s face it, they can get violent from time to time. It is totally normal for most parents to assume its the “TV”. Before long he was screaming curse words when he would get mad. That knocked SpongeBob out of the picture. I was suddenly more confused because I knew we didn’t say the specific words he was using in our home.

Over the next few months, Mark started biting, pulling hair, scratching and hitting other children. He was soon kicked out of the preschool he had been attending since he was a year old. Mark stayed at home with Rodney for the time being while I worked. Rodney had a small part time job doing Handy Man work around a friend of the family’s two homes. It sure wasn’t what he wanted to do but the extra money helped out tremendously. When Rodney was working, my Nana would keep Mark and London. We were very blessed to have such an amazing support system.

On August 4th, 2011 we received an official letter in the mail from England. It was Rodney’s divorce papers! After all this time waiting, we would finally be able to get married!

I have never in my life seen a wedding planned and put together so quick. Within 24 hours, my Nana had put together a true southern shotgun wedding! I went and bought a simple dress and picked out a plain white button up shirt for Rodney. My Aunt made me a bouquet from silk calla lilies. My Nana put together food for everyone and baked a small cake for us. Rodney and I were married on August 5th, 2011 in my Nana and Granddaddy’s living room. Our family and a few close friends were there as we said “I Do”. It was the smallest wedding I have ever attended apart from at the courthouse but I wouldn’t change it for the world. Special moments like our tiny wedding are the memories I will cherish forever. Before we stood up and said our vows, the preacher pulled Rodney and I to the side to talk to us. I was so honored to be married by this preacher as he has had a major role in my life and not only had he married several family members including my mom and dad, but he has always been like a grandfather to me. Brother Coffey spoke to us and his words will stay with me for the rest of my life. He said that the biggest things that can break up a marriage are sex, money and trust and as long as Rodney and I learned to have compassion for each other and always speak to each other in a loving tone, we would always have a special form of communication that would be unbreakable. Rodney and I made a promise to each other that day, that we would never go to bed mad at one another and we would always talk out our differences once we have given each other a chance to cool off. We never had a honeymoon, we were more focused on moving forward and getting his green card, so our money went to the Immigration Attorney and the filing fees. We were so relieved that we were officially husband and wife, now we could move on and accomplish the goals we had set for ourselves.

September was more eventful than I could have imagined. London was turning 1, my mother-in-law was coming to visit and this time she was bringing my father-in-law, I was starting a new job and Mark was starting a new preschool. Jan and Dave were coming to visit for two weeks this time, I was so excited to have them both here and could not wait for their plane to land. It was the quickest two weeks ever, it seemed. We had a big family gathering to celebrate London turning 1. Even though this was the first time London was able to meet Rodney’s father, Dave, she was in love with him from the beginning. In fact, I don’t think London had much to do with me at all during the two weeks Jan and Dave were here, but I was okay with that.

Mark was having trouble at his new school. His teacher was less than impressive with her social skills with children. I remember the letter she sent home with the supply list. She seemed so excited to be working with preschoolers and would go on to tell everyone about how much she loves children, had just recently received her degree in early education and so on. By the third week of school, she was making it obvious about her hatred for Mark. There were so many phone calls regarding Mark’s behavior, it soon turned into a daily occurrence. Most of the time I would not deny that Mark would do what they said he was doing but there were also things the teacher would accuse him of that I would prove her to be wrong. Mark soon started hating his new school and would beg to stay home. One incident in particular, I was called to pick up Mark early because he had apparently picked up a table and threw it across the room. I brought Mark home that day baffled as to how a 4 year old child could pick up a kidney shaped table and toss it across the room. Rodney and I stewed over it all night at how it wasn’t possible and the next day we called the school to get more information. I was later told by another parent that there were cameras in each classroom and they honestly didn’t believe that Mark would have the strength to throw that size of a table. I immediately called back to the school and spoke with the director. I was told by the director that it was against their policy to show me the video and according to their DHR case worker that monitored the school, parents were not allowed to do so. This brought up a red flag for us instantly so I called the DHR office located in Montgomery, Alabama. The person that I spoke with advised me that they encourage preschools to show videos to parents if they have questions and that it is NOT against their rules. After speaking with them, Rodney contacted the preschool director himself. The preschool changed their tune immediately and although we still have not seen the video, we knew it was the teacher exaggerating. We later found out that Mark’s teacher was actually the director’s daughter. Mark was eventually expelled from that preschool for his behavior a week before the K4 graduation ceremony. We didn’t fight back by this point, we were glad he was out of there. Rodney and I agreed it was time to see an adolescent psychiatrist before Mark was to start Kindergarten.

Mark turned 5 years old in November 2011. I took him to the pediatrician for his 5 year old checkup and the doctor was sitting next to him while reading over a children’s book. She was asking him questions such as “Mark, what is that animal right there?” to which Mark would respond with “Tat” (Cat), she would point to another animal and instead of “Cow” he would say “Tow”, everything he was saying began with a T. By the fifth question the doctor looked up at me and said “We need to have him evaluated by a speech pathologist. In the back of my mind I am screaming “You think? I have been asking you for over two years now”. I was becoming furious with the doctors observations. By the end of the visit we were being referred to a place called the “Head Start” program as well as an adolescent psychiatrist. For those that are not aware, the Head Start Program is a government funded program that aides in Early Intervention for children with special needs. This is a child’s first step into identifying their needs and get them the help they may require before they start school. It wasn’t long before Mark was attending Speech Therapy at the school that he would be attending once he was old enough for Kindergarten.

In HIS Time: Our Journey, Getting Settled

There are times in our lives that unexpected and traumatic things happen, things that seem to force us on our knees in prayer. Mark having emergency surgery caused me to fall on my knees. It was one of the scariest times of my life as well as one of the most peaceful times. Throughout the entire experience, I never felt alone. Of course I had my family and friends by my side the entire time but that’s not what I mean. I felt a presence with me, I felt the Lord’s hand on my shoulder through every moment. It was as if he was saying “It’s just a trial you are facing, do not worry my child”.

Once we were able to come home, it took no time for us to get settled back in and more relaxed than ever. I found myself laying in the bed at night, staring at the ceiling for hours as I recapped the weeks before and I thanked God for every moment, good or bad. I was overwhelmed with the love and support that we received from everyone and I was humbled beyond words. Our first night home from the hospital, I knew God had a plan for me. A plan for my family.

The summer went by so fast, although at that time I would’ve begged to differ. Before we knew it, Mark was starting preschool, my divorce was finalized and it was almost time for our baby girl to make her grand entrance. As my due date was approaching, I was finding it harder to move around at work. It was clear the stairs in the stock room had a vengeance for pregnant women as I began to fall down quite often. Thankfully my behind would manage to cushion the fall and cause me to slide down the stairs instead of barrel roll, but believe me when I say, It wasn’t near as fun as it looked! My feet would swell so bad that for the last month of my pregnancy, I had to get approval to wear slippers (house shoes) while at work. The doctors somehow managed to diagnose me with a form of carpal tunnel, only it was in my ankles. I laughed at them and said “Who on earth gets carpal tunnel in their feet?”, but apparently it is a normal thing for pregnant women.

Due to the frequent falling at work, it was agreed and understood by everyone at work and my doctors that I would go ahead and take maternity leave before my due date. I think it is safe to say that we were all a little worried that I would end up falling and hurting myself or our baby girl. On the first official day of Maternity Leave, I didn’t rest, I was determined to get her out! I walked 6 blocks several times a day, every day. I cleaned the house from one end to the other, even after I knew Rodney had just cleaned it to his OCD standards. I was tired of being pregnant, way too hormonal than I liked and too impatient to wait any longer. If you recall from my previous posts, patience was NOT my thing!

On September 14th, 2010, London Elizabeth Aldridge made her grand debut to the world! She was a tiny baby compared to Mark at birth, only weighing 7 lbs 7 ounces and 20 inches long. I had to ask the nurses to reweigh her because she felt so much bigger in my tummy! She was perfect in every way and we were in-love from the beginning. This delivery was so much more different from when I delivered Mark. I had so many complications with Mark and none what-so-ever with London. When Mark was born, I didn’t get to see him or even hold him for over an hour because of his heart rate, oxygen levels, etc. but with London, they let ME help deliver her! The doctors included me in delivering my baby girl and I could never thank them enough for that. As soon as London was born, she was placed on my stomach where I was able to cuddle her as she took her first breath. It is a memory that I will never forget.

Mark came to the hospital a few hours after London was born and his eyes lit up like it was Christmas morning. With Mark being in Speech Therapy, he was a little easier to understand but I will never forget when he held her for the first time and he looked at her, smiled, then looked up at me and said “My tister”. He was so eager to lay in the hospital bed with me and help me feed her, he loved London so much already.

The only problem London had was keeping her temperature up. Her body temperature kept dropping so she was placed under a heat lamp several times a day and would be bundled up more than usual when she wasn’t under the lamp. By the second day, she was perfect again. Rodney & I would hold her and laugh while we placed bets that she would have a British accent with a southern twang. We were over the moon and felt more complete than ever, all we needed was an “I do” and we would have everything we wanted.

Jan, Rodney’s mom, flew over from England to meet her granddaughter for the first time. London was 3 weeks old when she first met her Nan but she fell in love instantly. This was also the first time I was getting to meet her. I remember being so nervous but so anxious to finally meet her for the first time. We would use Skype and Facebook to communicate often but nothing could compare to speaking with someone face to face. There was something about Jan that made me feel so comfortable and welcomed, even Rodney’s father, Dave, was loving and kind. This was something I was far from expecting since my last mother and father-in-law were not so welcoming. I can remember talking with Rodney for hours about the way I had been treated before and how I was nervous to meet his parents. Rodney always reassured me that his parents were the most loving and affectionate Brits in the country. Being an affectionate Brit was something that was a running joke between us. Everyone knows the Brits never show affection and for any American that has watched Downton Abbey, it is as close to the British life as you can get.

I stayed at home with Mark and London while Rodney picked up his mom from the airport. I sat on the couch and watched out the window for their arrival. As the car pulled up out front, my heart began to race. For me, this was the moment of truth, if anything was going to be said this would be the time. My anxiety and nervousness were pointless because as soon as I opened the door, Jan opened her arms and wrapped them around me as if it had been years since she had last seen me. I hugged her and let out a sigh of relief. The next 10 days were nothing short of amazing, we went on so many outings to show my soon to be mother-in-law what Alabama has to offer. Jan came at the perfect time of the year, Fall was just beginning which meant craft shows galore! Jan and I have so much in common, but nothing can beat our passion for crafting. We would stay up all night talking as if we were trying to catch up on a lifetime of missed events. Just like that, I never wanted her to leave. Dave stayed back in England with their dogs. They didn’t have much time to plan a trip because they were anxiously awaiting London’s arrival so Jan flew over on her own this time.

Everything was going perfect and we were enjoying each other’s company more than ever. One morning there was a knock on the door, it was the gas company telling us that they were in the neighborhood replacing the old meters with new ones. They advised it was no charge to us and they would be quick. It wasn’t long before we started smelling gas but the workers insisted it was because they were changing the meter that was attached to the gas line. I even had them come in with a sensor to check everything out. They reassured me everything was fine. Once the gas company workers had finished, we left for another outing.

We returned home late that evening and as we walked up to the door I felt something was wrong. I unlocked the door and as I opened it I was immediately taken back by the strong odor of natural gas. In fact, the fumes were so strong and powerful, we were not able to walk in. In a panic, I called the gas company to report a leak. Jan, Mark and London went down the street to stay at my Nana’s house while we waited on the gas company to arrive. By this time, Rodney had went inside to open all the windows and doors in hopes to clear the air. When the gas company employee arrived we began to feel relieved. I was taken back by the employee’s frustration that he had to come out after hours to check for a gas leak. The fumes were inside the home and not outside so he insisted it was a problem in the home and not with the line. He showed us his meter every time it would detect a leak. It seemed to be coming from the stove and the water heater. We assured him there were no fumes prior to them swapping the meter outside but he became slightly aggressive when telling us that the leak was our problem and not the company. This disgruntled employee with no sense of customer service turned our gas off at the meter and told us we would have to fix our problem before he could turn it back on. The worst part about it all was not only was it an October chilly night but it was also a Friday night and no utility company will reconnect anyone during the weekend. Rodney and I were furious but we had no choice but call it a night and begin work the next morning. Lucky for us, the house was still warm and we were okay for the night.

The next morning we got started right away. I contacted our landlord who happens to be a “get it done” type of person and she wasn’t backing down. She immediately had a plumbing company come over and get started right away. It didn’t take them long to realize that when the gas company switched the meters, they broke a rusted pipe causing the gas to leak inside the home. Since this was a pipe that was attached to the meter, it was in fact the gas company’s fault. Unfortunately it also meant that we would require brand new gas lines to the house and since our home was built on a concrete foundation, the original gas lines were setting in the concrete and impossible to get to. After an entire day of work, the plumbing company had finally managed to reroute all the gas lines and have us almost up and running. We were devastated when they informed us that we wouldn’t be able to have our gas turned back on until an inspector could come out to approve the work. Not only was it a Saturday and inspectors did not work weekends, it was also dark by now. I couldn’t help my emotions anymore and burst into tears as soon as the gentleman told us. He saw that we had a 4 week old baby and immediately became compassionate. He softly told me to calm down that he would do everything in his power to make sure that we had heat, even if it meant buying us an electric heater with his own money. I didn’t even have a chance to reply to him before he was on the phone calling every inspector he knew within our city. This gentleman was even calling the inspector’s homes in an attempt to get in touch with someone. It started to seem hopeless until he was finally able to reach someone. Apparently the inspector’s wife answered and said that he was away for the day but she would get in touch with him and have him come right over. Within an hour, the inspector was at our home and approving all the work that had just been completed. Once again, my hormones took over and I was crying tears of joy. What could have been a nightmare ended better than we hoped. I found out later that night, the gentleman that was so determined to help us, had a baby due any day and truly understood our concern. Now, every time I see the plumbing company trucks, I think of him and his precious family.

It didn’t take long before my landlord was reimbursed by the gas company for the payment made to the plumbing company. She was not going to let it go and I applaud her for that. I can only hope that anyone that rents a home could have a landlord as amazing as ours.

It wasn’t long before Jan had to return home. I did not want her to leave at all and I wasn’t afraid to say it. I begged her to stay a little longer but I understood that she needed to get home. I enjoyed our conversations and the time we spent together and I already couldn’t wait for her to come back and to bring Dave. I remember how close she got to Mark within such a short period of time. Mark was still not warming up to people very well but he loved how Jan played with him. Jan treated Mark like he was her own grandchild and as she had been there since his birth. This made me love her that much more.

Once Jan had returned to England, I expected our family to return to a normal routine but we suddenly began noticing changes in Mark’s behavior. Rodney and I assumed it was the “Terrible 3’s” or even that the effects of mine and Justin’s divorce we just taking a toll on him. Little did we realize that it was about to get worse…

In HIS Time: Our Journey, A Dose of Humbleness

Earlier in my posts, I spoke about being raised in church. For as long as I can remember, I have belonged to one church. I was baptized in that church and as a child I considered myself a true southern baptist. Once I started becoming the typical rebel teenager, I stopped going to church as often. I continued to go on Wednesdays and Sunday mornings when I stayed with my grandparents but it suddenly started to taper off when I began to feel uncomfortable around my peers. Once I got to the age of dating, the rumors from school started to trickle into my youth group. I started feeling shunned by the ones that I had grown up with and around. By the time I married Justin, I no longer felt a part of my youth group so I pretty much stopped going all together with the exception of Easter and other major holidays. I can remember all the times I would walk into the church during the few times I would attend and I would feel a sense of coldness as much as I could hear the whispers as I passed by. After quite a few times of experiencing this I began to feel that maybe I should look into other religions. I researched everything I could about Catholicism and attended Mass a few times. It didn’t take long before I felt like being a Catholic wasn’t for me, so I decided to take a break from church all together. I never once gave up faith, but I did start to give up hope.

In my mind, I had just given everyone in my church even more reason to whisper and judge me. I was now pregnant by a man that I loved dearly and yet was not even divorced from my first husband. That very thought seem to eat away at me every day, even though I was happier than I had ever been. After a few weeks of torturing myself over it, I finally decided not to even give them a chance to judge me. I was perfectly okay with having my own beliefs and read the bible in my own time. At that point in my life, I believed that you didn’t have to go to church to be a christian. I couldn’t have been more wrong and you will eventually see why.

Being raised by my grandparents had a huge impact on my life. I was raised with old fashioned morals and I still stick to those morals to this day. I can remember how mad my granddaddy would get at me on Sunday mornings when I would almost refuse to get out of the bed. I laugh at myself now because my granddaddy was the type of man that had no problem with waking me up by pouring a bucket of water on me if I did not put my feet on the ground by the first time he called me name. My sheets were changed quite a few times throughout my childhood and yet I am still the farthest from being a morning person than ever before.

Living in a small town where everybody knows everybody, I would often run into people I knew from church and our quick conversations would always end with “We sure miss seeing you in church”. I would casually smile and nod but deep down I would want to say “Well, if I knew I could show up without being the center of attention with everyone’s whispers, maybe I would be there”, but since I was raised to keep my mouth shut if I couldn’t say anything nice, I just politely told them that I would try to make it the following Sunday. I would often talk to my Nana and Granddaddy about it and as much as they understood, they would always reply with “How will they ever be able to accept you if you don’t give them a chance”. You see, my Nana always had a way with her words. It seemed like she had amazing advice for every issue in life, big or small but at that time I wasn’t hearing it well enough to comprehend. I just kept assuming that everyone was judging me because of my “sinful ways” and not understanding that I wasn’t actually giving them a reason not to.

I was around 10 weeks pregnant when the tear was fully healed and I was off restriction, I could finally start enjoying being pregnant. I was also just hired by JCPenney as a sales associate for a brand new store that would be opening within a few weeks. Just as I was starting to work and thanks to some amazing people, I was able to move in to my new rental home. It was perfect! Rodney would be moving to Alabama soon and we both understood how hard it was going to be for both of us financially, until he could get his green card so he could legally work.

By April, Rodney’s plane landed for the last time, he was officially here to stay! The first few weeks he got adjusted to the time zone difference and no longer living the army life. There were quite a few restless nights for him as he remembered that he was no longer on the British Army’s schedule but thankfully, it didn’t take him long to adjust. I can remember almost yelling at him over how OCD he was, looking back now I kind of wish he was OCD again. He would laugh at me when I would basically yell “If you don’t stop organizing everything, leave me something for when my nesting stage kicks in”! There would be days when that man would get on his hands and knees scrubbing the kitchen tile with a toothbrush because Mark spilled a few drops of juice just like there were days when I came home from work and as I walked through the door would nearly fall out from the smell of bleach. Everything had to be bleached when cleaned, I often wondered if he was truly OCD or if he was a germaphobe. (Don’t laugh, I had to Google the spelling).

Having Rodney around and knowing he would forever be with me was an amazing feeling. Here was a man that I met online and had a very long distance relationship with, just give up everything he has ever known, to be with ME. I knew it was the hardest decision he ever had to make but knowing that he made the decision for me, made me love him that much more. Every morning that I woke up, I fell even more in love with him. His mom, dad and his twin brother were finally accepting his decision and embraced it. In fact, his twin brother had planned a trip to visit and to spend quality time with each other, they were going on a storm chasing trip, just the two of them. If you are familiar with England, you know that the only bad weather they have is a hurricane or most often a thunderstorm with a little bit of wind. It is apparently a big deal for someone’s patio umbrella to be blown over in England unlike here where my small town has just been recently added to Tornado Alley. A lot of time planning and money went in to this once in a lifetime trip and I was so excited for them. Lord knows I didn’t want to go, the thought of sitting in a car for 18 plus hours wasn’t my idea of fun and the fact that my bladder was compared to the size of a walnut thanks to pregnancy, I wasn’t going to entertain the idea of taking a trip with them. Since they both had birthday’s coming up, they would take the 2 week trip as a birthday gift to themselves.

By the middle of April, after a few temper tantrums and uncooperative doctors, we found out we were having a baby girl! Rodney and I had talked over and over about how much we both wanted a girl. Of course we would be happy with a boy but there was something about a little girl that would make our lives complete. Rodney had a son, Connor, and I had Mark but the thought of having a little princess just made our hearts melt. I was so excited about having a little princess to dress up! We immediately settled on a name and how we would decorate her room, even if she would be sharing a room with us. We wanted to make sure that Mark would have his room to himself for as long as possible so that he would be less likely to feel left out.

By the first week of June, Rodney was getting excited about the trip with his brother and I was dreaming of ruffles and bows. Mark woke up in the middle of the night and was vomiting. He didn’t feel like he was running a fever so we assumed it was a stomach virus. Mark was in daycare so it was obvious that the stomach virus must have started making it’s way around. He finally went back to sleep and I was grateful since I had to get ready for work within a few hours. The next morning, I got up and managed to get ready for work. I remember telling Rodney that I would’ve liked to have called in sick but at that time, I was the only one working full time. I left for work and asked Rodney to make sure that he got Mark onto the couch with him so he wasn’t confined to his bed during the day. We already knew that it was only a matter of time before we contracted the virus.

It was getting close to my lunch break when the phone rang in my department. I answered the phone but was immediately shocked when I realized it was Rodney on the other end. He told me in a very calm voice that when Mark woke up he tried to get him to get up and walk to the couch but as soon as Mark stood up, he fell and could not stand at all. Rodney said he was really worried and asked what I would like him to do. Before I could comprehend what was going on I had replied “I will be home in 5 minutes” and immediately ran to the office and told my boss I had to rush my son to the emergency room. I made it home as Rodney was carrying Mark out to the car and called Justin and the family as we were on our way.

Once we arrived at the hospital, the nurses immediately took us back to Triage. Justin arrived shortly after and all three of us sat there next to Mark as we waited on the doctor to come in. By this time, Mark was running a pretty high fever. The doctors quickly took Mark back for a CT Scan and since he was so nervous, Justin went back with him to keep him calm. Mark was very scared of doctors before, I would be too if I had already had so many different appointments and was always in the doctor’s office for something but this time he wasn’t fighting them at all. My little angel felt so bad and was hurting too bad to even try fighting back. The look on his face showed every bit of how much pain he was in and that’s more than enough to break any mother’s heart.

After what seemed like an eternity, the doctor’s came back to tell us that Mark’s appendix had ruptured and he would be going straight to the operating room to remove it. They were all very confident that it would be a quick procedure and that we had caught it before it had time to get any worse. They reassured us how lucky we were to have noticed the symptoms and bring him in when we did. By this time, the rest of the family had arrived so we sat anxiously in the waiting room while my son, still only a toddler was having a major operation.

It was nearly two hours before the surgeons came out to speak with us. They explained that Mark’s appendix was in worse shape than they originally thought and by the time they got in, he was septic but they were certain that they were able to remove everything. They also explained that as long as he was doing well, we should only be in the hospital for a few days. As they wheeled Mark’s bed out of the recovery room, we were all able to take a deep breath of relief. Mark looked so pitiful laying in that bed but we knew he was still pretty sedated, in my mind it would only be a matter of hours before he sat up and was putting up his usual fight while trying to keep him still. After a few hours, he had not started sitting up, in fact, he started feeling worse. He suddenly had a fever and was dry heaving, after a few minutes, he started vomiting black liquid. The team of nurses and doctors rushed in and informed us that it looked as if they didn’t get all of the bile out of his body as they originally thought and he would need a tube inserted to suction out the remaining bile. As my precious baby laid there screaming for me I suddenly felt weaker than ever. As a mother, I wanted to tell the nurses and doctors to get their hands off my son but I understood why they were having to do what they had to do. I quietly exited the room as I could not bare to see them hold my child down in order to get the tube in through his nose. Within a few minutes he would stop screaming. The nurses opened the door to let me know they had successfully inserted the tube and would be bringing Mark some Morphine for his pain.

We spent a total of 13 days in Children’s Hospital. As a mommy to a precious boy that had already experienced more in life than he should, as well as being almost 6 months pregnant, my nerves were beyond shot. If it weren’t for family and friends and their never ending love and support, I honestly cannot think of where I would be. Once again, here they were lifting me up when I felt at my lowest. It was the perfect dose of humbleness that I needed more than ever at that time of my life and I am more thankful than ever for each and every one of them. I have a support system better than anyone could ever dream of, I just never realized it until this very moment. Little did I know, my support system would soon show their never ending love for me more times than I could have imagined…

In HIS Time: Our Journey, Another Door Opens

When something major happens in life, it is a great blessing to be able to have your family supporting you, even if they do not agree with you. My separation from Justin came as a HUGE shock to my family, as they truly never saw it coming. Like I said, I always made it a point not to speak about my marriage troubles with anyone. The less anyone knew of my drama, the less judgement I would receive.

I remember getting everything ready and decorated for Christmas. It seemed like it had been such a long time since I had last seen Rodney. My family was just getting used to the idea that I had managed to separate from my husband of 5 years and jump into another relationship, as well as being in a relationship with a man 10 years older than me and from a different country. Rodney was finally going to be able to meet my entire family, not just my immediate family members. All of my family seemed to fall in love with Rodney right away, of course they all loved his British accent just as much as I do. They were all very interested to hear about his time in the Army, how we met, what his interests are, where he has traveled, etc. At first, we told everyone that we met in Las Vegas, it was so much easier than explaining that we met online & not on a dating site (which is the first thing people think unfortunately).

Christmas came and went so quick but the memories will last forever. The smiles, the laughter, and the look on Mark’s face when he woke up on Christmas morning will be treasured forever. It was winding down and becoming quiet after we got back home from visiting both sides of my family and playing with Mark and all of his new toys. Mark finally fell asleep and Rodney and I finally had a chance to sit down and talk about our hopes and dreams in some very much needed peace and quiet. There was so much going on leading up to Christmas that we didn’t have much time to catch up and make plans. We talked about him retiring from the Army, getting our divorces finalized, getting married and having a beautiful baby girl to add to our family. The plans we made were in that order and we decided together that once he returned from Christmas break, he would resign after 18 years in the British Army. Rodney knew that he wouldn’t have much time left before he could retire but he knew that he just couldn’t wait that long and to be truthful, neither could I.

New Years Eve arrived and boy did we had an amazing night ahead of us. Rodney & I met with a group of friends of mine, we were all dressed our best and we were ready to party! We brought in the New Year in style at one of the top night clubs in Alabama. We were all enjoying ourselves and the champagne toast was like something you only see in the movies. To me, it was a magical night and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.

The sun was beginning to rise by the time we would arrive back home and would finally get some sleep, but we were still not tired. We talked for what seemed like hours before we finally drifted off and before we realized it, we had slept the day away.  When we finally woke up that evening, I had a weird feeling that something was about to happen. I had a feeling that a BIG change was coming.

Rodney left again for Canada a few days later and for some reason, I felt at ease about him leaving. Usually I would be in tears before we would even arrive at the airport but this time, I was feeling content. I knew it wouldn’t be long again before he returned to see me and that if everything went well, he would be with me forever within the next few months. I kissed him goodbye before he walked through the security check point and I walked back to the car with a smile. I had not felt this content in quite some time and the drive home was easier than before as well. When I returned home, I made sure Skype was on and ready for Rodney’s call, oh how I missed him so much already.

The week after his return Rodney had managed to walk into his commanding officer’s office and tell him he wanted to resign. Of course his commanding officer and everyone else in his troop were baffled at his quick decision and wanted to know why he suddenly wanted to leave. When Rodney explained that he had met someone, the questions started pouring in. To them, his former marriage was great and there were no issues, they couldn’t understand how he was wanting to leave and move to America to be with another woman. As you can imagine, I was being considered a “home wrecker” and yet they had never met me. In fact, some probably still say that about me, but I will not defend myself to someone that I have never had a chance to meet.

It was the first week of February and I wasn’t feeling very well. It was nearly a week of not having energy and just wanting to sleep the majority of the day, even if I did have a toddler that was keeping me busy. I was talking to Rodney on Skype and I mentioned to him how exhausted I was and that no matter how much rest I would have, I wouldn’t feel any better. Rodney gave me the weirdest look and said “Do you think you could be pregnant?”. I laughed and said “Nah..but if it makes you feel any better, I have an extra pregnancy test in my bathroom”. I went to take the test and returned with it in hand. I told Rodney that when I found out I was pregnant with Mark, the test came up positive almost immediately. I waited the two minutes as instructed by the directions and after those two minutes it was not showing those double lines. I laughed and said to Rodney, “See, I told you I wasn’t pregnant”. We continued talking about other things throughout the next 30 minutes. I got up to grab a drink from the fridge but as I walked past the coffee table, I noticed the pregnancy test that I had just taken 30 minutes earlier, did not look the same. After stepping back from the fridge, I picked up the test to have a closer look. Rodney could tell I was back by the computer but I wasn’t quite in his view. He asked if something was wrong and after a bit of stuttering, I managed to mumble the words “I’m pregnant”.

Of course it was an initial shock! We were both excited but I couldn’t help to worry about what my family was going to say. How was I going to tell them, especially my grandparents, that I have not even been separated 6 months and already pregnant by another man. Even worse that I wasn’t yet married to this man. I could already hear the whispers at church even louder than before, even if I did only attend on occasion. But I knew that I had a precious child growing in my belly, and I have never felt so calm. Here I was, embarking on a new journey, not just a new journey but a whole new life, and what a way to start that off! It was as if I was getting a second chance at life!

I decided to keep the news a secret for the time being until I could figure out a way to peacefully break the news to the family. I told Justin about it and he actually seemed okay with it. In fact, he seemed to be excited for me, Lord knows that wasn’t the reaction that I was expecting. Justin was even there when I took another pregnancy test that would digitally tell me approximately how far along I was. The test concluded that I was 4-6 weeks. I then called my doctor to let them know about the positive pregnancy tests and was informed that the doctors have now changed their policy that they only see pregnant patients after they have reached 8 weeks of pregnancy. I thanked the Nurse as she scheduled my 8 week appointment, after all, there wasn’t much to be done that early in the pregnancy anyway. Later that day, I decided I would go break the news to my Nana and my mom but still wanted to keep it a secret until after my first appointment.

As I sat down to tell my Nana, I had the feeling that she already knew. She didn’t seem near as shocked or upset as I thought she would be. She even said that she was noticing a change in me and my body. Let’s face it, we all have those clairvoyant grandmother’s that seem to know everything that happens before it does and my Nana is always right on point. She was supportive but did say that this was happening at a tough time, especially since Justin & I had not officially filed for divorce yet. Justin was still traveling so much with work and since we both had agreed on everything, we figured we would just go to the same attorney and sign the papers together. My mom was very shocked, her initial reaction was “Christina, this is the wrong time to be having a baby” but it sunk in pretty quick and she turned excited almost immediately.

A few days after telling my Nana & my mom about my pregnancy, I started having cramps. I laid down in hopes to ease them but noticed a bit of bleeding shortly after the cramps started. I immediately called my doctors office and spoke with the nurse. She wanted me to come in the next morning for an ultrasound and advised me to stay in the bed for the rest of the night until I could get in to see them.

The next morning, my Nana took me to the doctor. We both knew the possible outcome and she didn’t want me to be alone. Rodney was worried but since there wasn’t much he could do from Canada, he called me every hour to check on me. The nurse took me back to the ultrasound room where I anxiously waited for my name to be called. After what seemed like hours of waiting, I was finally called back. My Nana held my hand during the ultrasound and the nurse noticed a tear in the uterine wall. At first she said it could be from Implantation Bleeding but that it looked much larger than that. She smiled and assured me the baby was fine and even printed off some pictures for us. At that time, the baby only looked like a little worm but to me, that was MY little worm and I couldn’t have been more proud. As soon as my Nana laid eyes on the ultrasound machine and saw that beautiful life growing inside of me, she started crying. She was excited! She was happy for me! It was as if her doubt just drifted away and all was right in her world again. The doctor explained to us that the tear may get a little bigger before it heals so I was to be on bed rest for the next two weeks.

It was official and those pregnancy tests weren’t wrong…I was going to be a mommy again!

In HIS Time: Our Journey, A Fresh Start

I find it amazing how God manages to open doors sometimes that you never imagined were there in the first place. I never once thought of getting a divorce from Justin and immediately jumping into another relationship, in fact, it was the farthest thing from my mind.

I missed Rodney terribly and couldn’t stand being away from him, but since he was in the British Army, there was nothing I could do about it. I had to wait for him to have time off so he could visit and it was much cheaper for him to fly here than for me to even think about flying there, and Lord knows I am used to the “Southern Winters” so the last thing I wanted to do was go to an arctic climate. (He was stationed in Calgary, Alberta).

Mark started getting sick again, once again it was another evil ear infection. I took him to his pediatrician knowing what was to come. This time we saw a new doctor in the practice. Our regular pediatrician was on maternity leave and had decided to stay at home with her children for a while so this new doctor took over her patients. I felt that something was off almost right away, even if he was very friendly and playful with my child. Mark was diagnosed with a chronic ear infection, again. I asked the doctor about having tubes put in Mark’s ears because of the fact that he had already suffered from so many ear infections and I was worried about potential scar tissue or future infections. He shrugged it off and advised me that Mark would have to have around 6 ear infections in a year before they would consider putting tubes in. I was baffled by the advice and snapped back at him “If my son has to suffer that much before you will do anything, then what the hell are you a doctor for?” followed with an apology. I left that day upset and confused as to why a toddler needed to suffer that much before anything was done.

After another round of antibiotics, Mark seemed to be feeling better, but I quickly noticed that he wasn’t paying much attention to me when I would speak to him.

A week later, he was sick again with yet another ear infection. By now, the pediatrician’s office knew us by name without even having to sign in. He was given another round of antibiotics but this time by a different pediatrician. Our new pediatrician was out that day so we had to be worked in to see another doctor in the practice and when that doctor took a look into Mark’s ears, he was shocked. His first reaction was “I cannot even see his ear drum and it’s not from wax”. Of course I asked him if he had another ear infection, thinking I already knew the answer but this doctor responded with “He doesn’t have another infection, he has apparently had the same one for a long time now. We need to get him to the ENT as soon as possible. Let me go tell my nurse to call them for you now”. By this point I am fuming and could shoot daggers from my eyes if only I could just so happen to bump into the previous doctor that we just saw a week before.

We managed to get in to see the ENT the same day. The ENT wanted to conduct a hearing test on Mark after he checked out his ears. He advised me that there was severe infection build up that was completely covering Mark’s eardrum and he was very concerned but that he would know more after the hearing test. Mark was very scared about going into the “box” to sit down so I was able to sit in there with him and let him sit in my lap.

The doctor came back into the room once we finished the hearing test but this time he had a sad look on his face. I could tell that he was frustrated but when he told me what the diagnosis was, I guarantee I was more frustrated than he was, and that is putting it nicely. The doctor said that Mark has had the same ear infection for over a year and he couldn’t understand why the doctors didn’t see it. He informed me that the antibiotics the pediatricians have been giving Mark for so long had no effect on him and because of the long period of the ear infections, he was now 60% deaf in both ears. WHAT?

The ENT suggested that we treat the infection with a much stronger antibiotic and once it had cleared up enough for surgery they would need to remove his adenoids, tonsils, and put tubes in his ears in hopes to rid the infections all together. I just want to say that given all that baby had been through by now, he came through that surgery like a champ! In fact, we haven’t had an ear infection since! Now it was time to get Mark into speech therapy. The doctors were finally seeing that he is delayed…too bad they were only thinking it was his speech, but by this point, I would take what I could get.

By the middle of September, Rodney was on his way back to me!

Rodney and I had plans to visit New Orleans while he was in town. This time when he visited, he spent more than just four days. I had never ridden on an Amtrak train before so he wanted to make our trip was that much more special. I had been to New Orleans so many times since Hurricane Katrina and I loved every bit of it. New Orleans was like my home away from home and I couldn’t wait to show Rodney the city!

We had our own private cabin on the way to New Orleans and I was enjoying the time we were spending together. We were about half way there when Rod reached into his bag and brought out a little black box. He sat down next to me and looked into my eyes. He was proposing! I understood that my divorce wasn’t even started yet and neither was his since he had to wait until his ex-wife filed for divorce, but at the very moment in my world, I was willing to give it a shot. I said yes to his proposal and I couldn’t care less what anyone else had to say about it.The rest of our trip was amazing. As many times that I had been to New Orleans, there was still so much that I had not seen so it was a new adventure for both of us.

While we were in New Orleans, Rodney & I discussed what we wanted out of life. I wanted to be a stay at home mom so that I could spend every moment enjoying my children and not missing out on important things because of work.

I told him that I wanted a little girl so bad but I was terrified of having another child that would be sick so much like Mark. He assured me that having another child would be a blessing, no matter if the baby is sickly or not. He then told me that he was ready to leave the British Army after 18 years and make a life with me, in America. We discussed how he would be willing to make things happen and how hard he would work to make our life together a success. We discussed how hard it would be and how much we would struggle at first but we both agreed that we were willing to take it all on together. We knew every risk that was in front of us but we were excited to take every risk head on, in order to have a life together. He then promised that he would make it his life goal to make sure that I smile and fall in love with him even more with each day. To him, I was his American Princess. Our trip to New Orleans was one of our many adventures, but an adventure that would ultimately change my life once more, and eventually for the better.

After spending 2 weeks with this wonderful man of mine, time was winding down and he would soon be traveling back to Calgary. As I kissed him good-bye, Rodney offered to spend Christmas and New Year’s with me. I was so excited and couldn’t wait for Christmas to hurry along…

Little did I know that the time that the next trip would once again, change our lives….